As I grow in life, I have learned that one of the hardest things to do is to separate my emotions from an issue and think about it objectively. The closer an issue is to something I have personally experienced or have deep rooted beliefs about, the harder it is to step back and see what's really going on. Even then, I know I can't be completely objective because I'm using my own brain to processes the issue. Is how I judge things a learned behavior, something that I am pre-programed to do, or a combination of the two? I'm not sure, but that debate is something people way smarter than me are still hashing out and is beyond the scope of this post. What I'm here to write about is that I believe we'll become polarized on everything in life if we aren't careful. When that happens, we'll fall back on stereotypes, not think rationally, or openly discuss and resolve long standing issues in Manchester.
From what I have read, and conversations I have had with people around town, this is what I understand about Michael Crockett's comments. He made comments in jest, based on a negative stereotype, about a fellow colleague to another colleague. That comment was brought to the local press, and it has been discussed, ad nauseum at BOE meetings, including a special meeting. Mr. Crockett has since apologized for that comment, and the apology was accepted. I'll warn you now: I'm going to write about subjects in this post that will touch nerves that may be raw for some people. As you read this, I'm asking you to fight any emotional response that makes you want to immediately scroll to the comment section and flame me. If you feel that urge, please read this entire post. Twice. Think about any assumptions you draw about me (maybe based on stereotypes), put yourself in another person's shoes, read this post again, and then if your thought is still eating at you, please add constructive comments below. Either that or shoot from the hip and see where it takes you.
Like it or not, we all have stereotyped people in some way. I will question anyone who says they have never made a stereotyped comment to anyone in private. Think about it. Who hasn't made a comment in jest or frustration about men, women, kids, senior citizens, politicians, teachers, lawyers, fat people, skinny people, Republicans, Democrats, Greens, gays, straights, bisexuals, transgendered, blonds, brunettes, red-heads, tall people, short people, or any other classification that some demographer or marketer can create on forms or surveys with check boxes. I think we do it because we are now in a constant state of information overload, and that tends to make us mentally lazy based on our upbringing. This behavior is summed up well by the character Ryan Bingham in the movie Up in the Air, "I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster."
Think about this: African-Americans make stereotypical comments about Caucasians as well, but it's not news because it's not stereotypically viewed as racist. We all laugh about it when Red Fox, Richard Pryer, Eddie Murphy, Woopie Goldberg, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Kat Williams, Wanda Sykes or the many other very funny and very successful black comedians make stereotypical comments about white people. I would even argue that many of these groundbreaking artists have helped us break through tensions with the catharsis of humor.
It's 2013. Why is race still an issue? A majority of Americans have voted for an African-American president. Twice. I think it's time for all of us to get over our irrational fears, collective guilt or misplaced outrage and become less sensitive to stereotypes. The irony I believe we all need to appreciate is that through this public trial in the local media, some of us are stereotyping Michael Crockett based on his stereotyped comments. Why is it socially acceptable to stereotype in some cases, but not in others? Should we really care? Why is it okay to have a sense of humor about some stereotyped jokes, but not about others? I know... it's complicated isn't it. I tend to err on the side of caution myself.
Stereotypes only have power if we make judgments based on them, or if we allow them to hurt us instead of calling each other on them. We should be moving on, and then having a sense of humor about them. If you've met me, you know that I'm overweight. To some people, I'd even be called fat. If I was offended or outraged every time someone makes a stereotyped comment about fat people, I'd get nothing done. I'm sure I get stereotyped as being lazy, eat nothing but junk food, etc. You know what... I don't care because I can be the bigger person (it's okay to laugh, I intended on the pun). Quite frankly, I no longer have the time or patience to deal with small minded people. In fact, I tend to just smile and ignore them. I don't have a chip on my shoulder, and my BMI has nothing to do with my integrity or my ability to get things done. Besides, I've been looking for it, but I can't find it anywhere. I can't find a law where it says that I have a right to never be offended.
This issue will be polarizing only if we to continue to allow it to be. Some of the reactions to this ongoing discussion of racism in Manchester reminded me of one of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s memoirs, Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story that I read many years ago. In it he wrote, “Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated.” If we do not accept Mr. Crockett's apology and move on from this, it will continue separating us and preventing communication. We will continue to stereotype each other instead of getting to know one another. That will only lead us to fear, and ultimately back to hate. In Dr. King's words we should, "...not seek to humiliate or defeat the opponent but to win his friendship and understanding."
The problem beneath this problem that we should be far more concerned with is that we have a dysfunctional team for a BOE in Manchester. The diminishing professionalism and lack of teamwork amongst the members of the BOE has now boiled over twice in the past two years. This should have never reached this level because a good team trusts each other and communicates amongst themselves to resolve issues as a team. The best course of action to maintain the integrity of the team would have been one member of that team going directly to Mr. Crockett and call him out on the comments. Instead, a member of the BOE leaked the comments to the press and in doing so made a political issue out of it, ultimately diminishing the integrity of the entire team. The intension to be political or not can only be known by that person, and it certainly does not excuse the fact that Mr. Crockett made the comments in the first place. However, how can there be trust and vigorous debate in a team at that level if every private discussion or off-hand comment is possibly on the record? How honest would you be if every private discussion you’ve had or will have could be made public? Isn't political correctness just a more subversive form of censorship? Besides, who exactly gets to decide what's politically correct and what is not?
We have a choice. Judge each other based on stereotypes or accept each other as fallible human beings, try to understand each other, learn from our mistakes, and move on. We will have our say when Mr. Crockett comes up for re-election. If I think his apology was sincere, and his actions show that sincerity, I may vote for him. If his actions show him to be out of touch with the fact that Manchester is a diverse community, I probably won't vote for him. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to forgive, learn, move on, have a sense of humor and get some work done on critical issues that will actually make a difference… like giving a diverse population of wonderful families in the west side neighborhood a new or like new elementary school as quickly as possible.
