By Kyle S. Reyes, Director of Marketing for Carter Chevrolet and Mazda of Manchester
Today's blog idea comes courtesy of a friend who recently suffered the Facebook Gag Reflex while eating lunch.
There she was, enjoying her banana (stop it) while sitting at her desk avoiding work like 52% of Americans (political humor). She was scrolling through her Facebook newsfeed to see what was going on in the world around her when she stumbled upon something horrible. Terrible. Disgusting. And yet unbelievably common.
It was a picture of her friend's kid. With POOP all over him. HIS.
Of course the picture wouldn't have been complete without the mother showing that she ALSO had his poop on her hand.
Growing up, my parents taught us all about etiquette.
-Don't put your elbows on the table.
-Don't talk with your mouth full.
-Only swear if you like the taste of soap in your mouth.
-Don't talk about people behind their backs.
At Carter Chevrolet and Mazda of Manchester, we'll sometimes bust each other if someone interrupts a conversation. Usually there's good reason - a customer needs help buying a new car or needs financing. I'll give a pass here.
Now I KNOW many others were taught proper etiquette growing up. But here's where we have a generational failure.
Digital etiquette is something that apparently didn't translate.
So here we go. My top ten list of things you should never, ever do on Facebook.
10. Tag your friends in embarrassing photos.
"Hahaha. Did you see Joe and that chick passed out drunk on the desk of his boss after the Christmas party?"
Way to go, best friend. Joe just got fired and his future fiancee is going to leave him when her mom happens to be trolling his profile.
9. Put out a million instagram pictures about how sexy you are.
I do not need to see 15 shots of your new haircut. I don't need to see your tanlines. That's a really nice self-portrait you took in the bathroom looking like a duck with your toilet bowl in the background. Now please go get a job.
8. Use hashtags.
#learnhowtousesocialmedia. Hashtags are for Twitter. The only thing they mean on Facebook is that you're a clown.
7. Facebook stalk someone.
I'll give you a pass on checking in on your ex from time to time. It always feels good to see that they've "downgraded" from you. With that being said, writing on peoples' walls that you're watching them at the gym - or taking pictures of them working in their yard without them knowing - puts you in the creeper category.
6. Hit people with a million game requests or "like this and Microsoft will donate $1".
No, I don't want to play Bubble Zombie Safari Pastry Shop Gardner with you. Stop asking me. And if you really think Obama is going to donate $1 for every like on the picture of the kid riding a zebra...I've got a Corvette to sell you for $50.
5. Talk smack about your boss or job.
If you hate your boss or your job, whine to your friend via text. Don't tell the world about it in your status update and then "tag" your coworkers. You might find your next "check in" is the unemployment line.
4. Dump someone by changing your Facebook status. Or battle it out on Facebook.
At least once a day, I see siblings fighting with each other by way of status updates. "You are a cheater and a bad mother and our parents hated you." Really? REALLY? Even more entertaining is when a couple is fighting and tagging each other in pictures where they are clearly cheating (see #7). And if you think I'm joking about people breaking up by changing their Facebook status to single - I'm NOT. Been there, been dumped like that. Turned out she was tagging my buddy in pictures - no loss there. (Facebook pun intended.)
3. Make your profile picture your new baby.
It's your Facebook page. YOURS. If your profile pic is going to be changed, it should be changed to a picture of bacon.
2. Whine about how terrible your life is....or be super mysterious.
"The dark days are long on the soul." Oh, ok. Based on your status update I guess I'm going to assume you're having a bad day. Please, tell me about it.
If you whine about how long your day was at work, how difficult it is to be rich or pregnant or stressed or broke, you deserve to be publicly called out and made fun of. Your Facebook friends are not your therapists.
1. TMI Parents.
I get it. Babies are cute. But babies just out of the womb aren't cute, they're aliens. Babies covered in poop are not cute - they're disgusting. Babies with Fruit Loops stuck in their noses and milk running down their face aren't cute - they're a mess. CLEAN 'em up. And naked babies or toddlers - REALLY? Remember how you felt when, just before the prom, your mom bust out those pictures of you when you were in a diaper? Don't be that parent.
