I woke up this morning with some air conditioning cooling my dreamy body. That’s right – dreamy. Nothing says “hunk” like SpongeBob boxers and a paint-covered tank top.
And you know what occurred to me as I got out of bed and stared longingly at the blue (ok, maybe still kind of green) waters of the pool? “Wow….what a great day it would be to call out sick.”
First of all, let me state for the record that I did not. If I did, I sure wouldn’t be telling you about it. But in my lala land, you can bet your butt a number of excuses for being sick DID run through my head.
Then I thought – “hey, why not just going in a few hours late?”. I contemplated all of the potential excuses I could come up with. But the first, and most ironic, was this: “sorry guys, I’m having car problems.”
It quickly occurred to me that our team at Carter Chevrolet and Mazda of Manchester, being as wonderful and supportive as they are, would immediately offer to tow in my vehicle and repair it. I’m sure they’d also give me a ride in through our complimentary shuttle service, then offer me a fresh cup of coffee and the morning paper to read while they worked on my car. I'm sure they'd also supply merciless mocking about how I should have bought my car from Carter of Manchester.
My point? The excuse would’ve been an epic fail. So here I am, writing about how ineffective I am at calling out of work. I’d like to make some suggestions as to other potential “epic fails” for those of you considering going into work late or taking a day off this summer to enjoy the weather:
Who It Won’t Work For
I have a toothache. Dentist office workers.
I feel sick. Doctor’s office employees.
I’m suffering from depression. Therapists.
Insert distant relative death here. Funeral directors / morticians.
I have no electricity. CL&P workers.
A tree fell on my driveway. Lumberjacks.
The traffic is horrendous. Traffic reporters (TV stations have sky cams.)
There was an accident on the highway. Police/fire/EMT’s.
My dog is sick. Vets and vet techs.
I spilled coffee on my shirt. Dry cleaners.
Now with that being said, there are plenty of jobs that you can effectively call in sick. For example:
- “I’m so sick.” This works great if you work for a health insurance company, because chances are they’re going to CHARGE you to not come to work and call it a “deductible.” (Don’t thank me, thank Obamacare.)
- “I’m not feeling social.” If you’re a recent billionaire and own a social networking website (yes, you – Zuckerjerk), I can’t blame you. I probably wouldn’t feel very social either if I had cost millions of people millions of dollars and Drudge Report was all over me.
- “I have gluteus glaucoma.” Also known as “I can’t see myself dragging my butt into work syndrome”. It'll work, because do you really think anyone is going to want to sound like they DON’T know what gluteus glaucoma really is?
Here’s my recommendation. Simply call your boss and tell him you need a new car. Then come down to or Mazda of Manchester and take advantage of our very, very cool summer incentives.
By Kyle S. Reyes, Director of Marketing for Carter of Manchester