How Google Plans on Taking Over the World – One Car at a Time

First, Google took over your online searching. 

Next, it took over your vocabulary (i.e. “You’re such a cretin.”  “What’s a cretin?”  “GOOGLE it, you ignoramus.”)

Then….your phone.  (Google: “Android”.)

Now, apparently, Google is poised to take over your car.  And the roads.  And your soul. And the world. Move over, China. There's a new superpower in town.

On Monday, Google received the first license from the Nevada Department of Motor Vehicles to test driverless cars. Last year, the state passed the first law in the nation allowing testing of these cars on the roads – on the condition that there are drivers both behind the wheel and in the passenger seat.

Google has at least eight test vehicles right now. They allow a human driver to take control by stepping on the brake or turning the wheel. License plates boast an infinity symbol and a red background. The company says it has married together artificial intelligence software, a GPS system, and a whole bunch of fancy schmancy sensors to weave through traffic like a New York City cab driver (ok, so maybe that last part wasn’t on the “official” press release).

Driverless cars. Powered by Google. And everyone’s OK with this? Personally, I’d feel a lot more comfortable if I came into Carter Chevrolet one day and a yellow Camaro turned into a giant steel guardian named “Bumblebee” (Google: “Transformers”).

In an effort to be fair, I’ve decided to come up with a list of the top reasons this is a great idea….and a list of reasons why it’s a very, very, very BAD idea (Google: Obamacare). 

GREAT IDEA LIST:

10. You’ll never have to ask for directions again.

9. No more tickets for speeding.

8. “That light was RED? My home address is Google.com, officer.”

7. It’s really, really hard to play Hanging With Friends while driving. 

6. Big Macs are easier to eat with two hands.

5. It’s easier to change the radio station in a hurry when a car ad with a high pitched voice that ends sentences like questions comes on.

4. Rear ended someone? This time it REALLY wasn’t your fault.

3. That guy that just cut you off can now receive double hand gestures (thumbs down, of course)!

2. Less road-kill.

1. Google can’t possibly be a worse driver than New Yorkers.

VERY, VERY BAD IDEA LIST:

10. Google likes to be pampered. Watch how fast your car washing expenses rise.

9. Google analytics are probably going to tell you exactly how many calories you just ingested while it drove.

8. Don’t be surprised if Google tells EVERYBODY where you are and what you’re doing.

7. If you start coughing while Google is driving, a WebMD expert is going to recommend you get tested for Malaria, AIDS, and Ebola.

6. Your Google car is NOT going to be happy about you Facebooking while it drives.  It’ll redirect your smartphone to Google+.

5. When you try and get your car to slow down so you can check out the attractive driver in the lane next to you, Google’s going to ask if you’re “feeling lucky?”

4. Your car will take pictures through your bedroom window in the middle of the night.

3. Google is going to redirect you – a lot.  And when you get out of your car, you won’t even realize it stuck a “Kick Me – Sponsored by Manchester Karate” sticker on your back. 

2.A new Starbucks ad campaign on Google may mean a lot of unexpected detours…

1. Google loves traffic.  Lots and lots of traffic.

Kyle S. Reyes is the Director of Marketing for Carter of Manchester.